Most of us would stop at nothing to be there for our friends. We help them move. We comfort them during breakups. But every now and again, you might find yourself in a one-sided friendship, where that supposed "friend" doesn't ever come through for you.
A one-sided friendship is a relationship where one person has to put in more work than the other person does to uphold the relationship. Because of this, there’s an imbalance of effort. A one-sided friendship can be painful. It’s sometimes called a one-way friendship.
Continuing to devote time and energy to a friendship when you get nothing in return can leave you feeling disconnected, with little energy for other friends. When an unbalanced friendship triggers feelings of uncertainty or a loss of self-confidence, you might become wary of trusting any friendships at all.
I’ve been on both sides of one-sided friendships. I’ve had friends where I always had to be the one who contacted them or came to their place if I wanted to hang out, or listened to their problems while they didn’t seem to care about mine.
How do you know if you are in a one-sided friendship?
You always have to take initiative to meet up, and if you don’t, nothing happens.
You are there for your friend, but when you need support, your friend isn’t there for you.
You help your friend out and are nice toward them but get nothing back.
Strong friendships are based on mutual support, however. In a one-sided friendship, the communication, time, and effort needed to sustain the connection typically falls to one person.
When they need something, they seek you out right away. But when you’re in need, you just can’t seem to reach them.
One-sided friendships can leave you confused and hurt. You demonstrate an interest in their well-being, but they show little interest in you and your needs, unless you make an effort to draw them out.
If one of your friendships feels a little unbalanced, we’ve got your back with strategies for recognizing these friendships and keeping them from draining you dry.
Why one sided friendship hurt?
Like any other relationship, friendship takes work. Sure, life circumstances can temporarily prevent someone from devoting energy to a friendship. But healthy friendships tend to involve good communication, so you’ll probably have some idea of what’s going on.
While you may not offer time, affection, or gifts in order to get anything in return, it can still be pretty painful when someone keeps taking but never gives. Wanting affection, particularly from someone who claims to care, isn’t selfish or unusual in the least.
It’s normal to feel upset by an unbalanced friendship, and you aren’t being “needy” by wanting more. You put in the time and effort.
Your friend says they care, but their consistent disinterest loudly suggests otherwise. This can cause plenty of emotional turmoil.
They leave you questioning yourself
A balanced friendship can help strengthen feelings of belonging and your sense of self-worth.
Believing a friend doesn’t care much about you, however, may do just the opposite. Instead of feeling supported and strengthened, you might:
- worry you’ve offended them.
- feel rejected.
- believe your personality or interests are somehow lacking.
When you start wondering whether the fault lies with you, you might begin to criticize perceived failures and avoid other friends for fear of driving them away, too.
Besides leaving you isolated and vulnerable, this negative self-talk can also damage your self-image.
Is it worth fixing?
Even when your friendship feels more unbalanced than mutually supportive, you don’t have to give up on it entirely.
The bottom line....
True friends accept help when they need it, but they also make sure to offer you the same.
Everyone needs help from time to time, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting some of the same support you provide..
